MEMERY????

[rebells]

I AM STILL WORKING ON MY HEART GAME WRITEUP but in the meantime Swift also just hit 6k, and has . . . THINGS going on, so!

This post is for:
+ heartgame questions ("what did X represent" or "what was I supposed to do with Y" or "what would have happened if XYZ?")
+ THIS INCLUDES IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WINDCHIME or your team's scroll descrip. OR JASPERS HAD SWAG/STUFFED ANIMALS, you can look at those too!
+ r-relationship updates, in light of heartgame or . . . other things OR YOU KNOW BECAUSE I HAVEN'T DONE A MEME IN AGES
+ other questions????? idk I am open

Comments

Re: FEELINGS INVOLVING KISSING

[tsunbender]

S-Swift, honey. OKAY LET ME TRY TO TALK ABOUT ZUKO AND ROMANTIC FEELINGS IN A WAY THAT MAKES SENSE. I also need to talk about Fuuma, since both feelings are related and monogamy is a Big Deal to Zuko and part of why he's struggling right now.

Zuko started to like Fuuma during that bingo game. He basically kissed everyone on Ruby but C.C., and since you could kiss the same person more than once he ended up kissing Fuuma three times as a totally smart tactic to win and the kisses had to escalate so they did just that. That's when Zuko had to admit to himself that he . . . preferred to kiss Ruby (because it was comfortable) over kissing other people. He always felt closer to Fuuma in a way because Fuuma arrived immediately after Zuko did, they got used to Ruby and Aather together, and more or less always took memories together. Zuko identifies with Tavros a lot, he had an almost crush on Naha for a while (he's normally attracted to dark-haired, mysterious women and it's tied to the fact he lost his mother early on in his life) until he remembered his mom and then Naha took a more motherly role in his head, he never knew what to do about C.C. but he appreciated her advice and ended up liking her a lot, he was fond of Oz and Yukio, but Fuuma was the other new Ruby that replaced someone important to the team and so circumstances made him like Fuuma a lot. So after that game, Zuko was very aware of the fact he liked kissing Fuuma! He didn't do anything about it for a while, until Fuuma one day decided to kiss him for no reason and Zuko . . . flushed and he was okay with it. I think that happened a couple of times until they had to admit it was a thing and Zuko felt they had to, talk about it. SO THEY BECAME A THING, that mostly kissed and touched but Zuko was always super awkward about it until he slowly became more comfortable with it.

Zuko never thinks about it as Fuuma being his boyfriend but as Fuuma being the person he liked and never talked about it because he was still awkward and wasn't sure of what to do with those feelings. And honestly, Fuuma going Kamui more constantly and plot and dying and memories are always more important than romance in Zuko's head. IT'S CANON. So he never thought of saying it, and only Ruby knew about it. Then Fuuma dropped the bomb of him having feelings for his childhood friend and Zuko was . . . somewhat jealous and conflicted and suddenly expected Fuuma to pick Kamui because it made sense! Except Fuuma didn't want things to change and Zuko was willing to try that, as unsure as he was of the whole situation. THAT WAS THE STATE ZUKO WAS AT RIGHT BEFORE MISTLETOE.

Then mistletoe happened. Zuko kissed a lot of people in the most awkward ways possible and in all of those threads, Zuko didn't really feel attracted or wanted to kiss them. The only exception was Swift, but Zuko was completely unaware of the fact the reason he was so embarrassed and awkward and unsure was because not only Swift is one of the people he liked the most in Aather, but because he didn't mind the idea of kissing him. HE WAS A BIT AWARE, in that he said he didn't want to force Swift, but he was more concerned about how much it bothered him that in his own feelings about it. Then they kissed, and he experienced a memory that made him more concerned about him, and he liked the kiss until the moment it hit. Zuko was UTTERLY CONFUSED then, but didn't want Swift to just LEAVE like that and then he couldn't . . . say that it mattered was because he cared and obviously Swift had to care, too. He was so unsure about the whole situation already due to his own complications, he was scared and he tends to retreat when that happens, too, so Swift wanting to leave and insisting it didn't matter obviously meant Swift didn't care.

HE WAS GOING TO LEAVE IT AT THAT. He was going to sit on those feelings and let it go because the idea that MAYBE he liked someone else was SCARY enough. So he barely let himself be conscious of most of it, HE WASN'T UNTIL HE TALKED TO RED ABOUT IT. Allen suggested that maybe he liked Swift (he didn't say names) and Zuko blushed and was like NO, WHY. That's when it finally hit him and when he was completely terrified but again. He sat on those feelings! SWIFT WAS HIS FRIEND AND HE HAD A THING WITH FUUMA AND SWIFT PROBABLY DIDN'T WANT HIM AND WAS FREAKING OUT BECAUSE GOSH MAYBE KISSING WAS JUST GROSS TO HIM. So Zuko was very mature about dealing with his feelings, and yes he's seventeen, but his only romantic experience in canon was Mai and he leaves her once without saying goodbye to stop the war and later on in the post-canon comics Mai dumbs Zuko because he never tells her anything due to his own issues. He's generally very inexperienced. A girl nearly kissed him once in canon after she practically bullies him into a date thanks to his uncle and Zuko . . . refused to get too close, and then when another girl showed him compassion about his scar he rejected her. He often pushes people away in canon because of the way he sees himself and he lacks a lot of experience in a lot of ways, so he's not that mature in that aspect of his life either.

THEN SWIFT'S HEART HAPPENED. He got to experience Swift's side of it and he . . . suddenly was aware that there was a lot more there on Swift's side of things. He couldn't keep denying to himself that there was something there, but he wasn't entirely sure either. OR MORE THAN HE WASN'T SURE IF HE WANTED TO ADMIT IT OUT LOUD. But he didn't lie to Swift and he decided it was better to talk and then Swift took the initiative of wanting to kiss after Zuko admitted he wouldn't mind doing it without mistletoe and . . . he couldn't deny his own feelings anymore. AND THEN THAT MADE HIM FREAK OUT, but not . . . hurting Swift became more important than his own mental freak out so he couldn't just run away from it. He had to face it head on, because it wasn't honorable to hurt Swift after saying that, after kissing him and after everything. HE FELT RESPONSIBLE TO DO THE RIGHT THING, except the Right Thing is such a huge theme for Zuko in canon. :'D WHAT WAS THE RIGHT THING? To end things with Swift before they even started because he already liked Fuuma even if that meant hurting himself and Swift; to find a way to make it all work out even if monogamy is a huge deal to him personally and he probably would get jealous of Swift or Fuuma liking someone else; or to end things with Fuuma and stay with Swift because Fuuma and Kamui seems like a thing that will eventually happen and potentially hurt him a lot?

He's still not sure if what he's doing is what he should be doing, since he doesn't trust himself enough for that. But Zuko sure doesn't want to hurt Swift (or Fuuma). So when Swift made it super clear that he was okay with it as long as Zuko didn't just leave him, he . . . decided he couldn't. He didn't want to, because Swift was important. Not wanting to hurt either of them was more important than his own fear and unsure feelings about not being able to handle it, or the possibility of hurting himself more in the process. He also feels very selfish about that decision, because he's more aware than anyone that it's unfair to like two people and maybe date them both, but Swift saying he's okay with it and Fuuma . . . being Fuuma, are giving him the reassurance to try.

THOUGHTS?! DO YOU WANT TO DATE ME IF I DON'T WANT TO BREAK YOUR HEART, SWIFT.