CUSTOMARY DOTS OPENER EXCEPT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS NOT REALLY CONDUCIVE TO DOTS uhh it's sort of simultaneously
and
Their thread in her Good End post was a huge perspective-shift for him--he denied it up and down, but he does empathize with her and he is afraid that he'll get attached to her and she'll hurt him. She seemed to be trying to draw them on opposite sides of a fundamental divide, and he knows that's not wrong, but he ultimately thinks of them as the same type of person--the question of how to trust, when to trust, when to accept faith and idealism and friendship despite your better judgment has been one of Swift's huge struggles, both in canon and (especially) in Aather. He is not a leap of faith kind of person! In his canon, he consistently plays the role of the cynical guy, the voice of reason, the devil's advocate; the one who says "maybe it isn't wrong to want revenge, maybe you shouldn't forgive this guy, maybe we're going to have to kill her." But he gets proven wrong, and he starts to cede to the forces of cheery idealism and unconditional acceptance, less because he doesn't think he has a point and more because that's what the people he loves believe in and he loves them for it.
And that is part because one of the people they've believed in and reached out to regardless of reason has been him. As he sort of intimated to her, he's been saved by that kind of faith and kindness multiple times--and more importantly, Jay in canon starts out as this desperately lonely kid who wants (almost!) more than anything to be loved. Of course he's going to believe in the people who love him. Even more so because he can actually see himself changing in response to that.
So when she hit a chord with him--that thread basically cemented her slow slide from "terrible person whom (more importantly) I can't trust" to "someone who is struggling with the same sorts of things I am"--his instinctive answer is, "well, just accept it." That is the right path and the path to happiness, for him. He does . . . think she should make friends! Or rather, that someone will eventually try to determinedly be friends with her, and that she shouldn't spurn them when that happens. He doesn't think that she needs to be a better or nicer person for that to happen, or for her to keep friends--I mean, he's not exactly a paragon of niceness himself. He thinks that friendship would make her a marginally better person by itself, o-or at least mellow her out??, and he definitely thinks she'd be happier.
He thinks she must be lonely, because he was lonely--and so the obvious answer, the "right" answer by Tales of Legendia laws of the universe, is that he should be her friend. Especially since she seems to . . . actually like him in a non-antagonistic way? And want to have a meaningful relationship with him?
That is, however, the one thing he absolutely can't do, largely for the same reasons that make him sympathize with her in the first place. Swift is someone who has been hurt in the past, and who is still leery of trust and friendship and vulnerability, and he needs any place he puts his heart to be, ultimately, a SAFE place. Not absolutely safe, because he knows that isn't possible! But "I have analyzed this person's character and determined that they are probably not going to fuck me over" safe.
Erika issss . . . not safe . . . (wow understatement of the century gosh). Erika is "logically speaking almost definitely going to fuck me over," actually! And he is not going to touch that! He almost can't touch that, really. He flat-out refuses to be her friend or even knowingly accept any kind of non-surface relationship with her, because, in an unacknowledged and kind of subconscious way, he knows that he is going to get invested and (eventually) attached and that is Not Okay. So he picks and picks and snarks at her and has arguments about the value of friendship, because he can't quite let it go, but he's not willing to go further than that.
He sort of thinks he is a coward (she was right!)--not only because his canon tells him that NO FRIENDSHIP WILL DEFINITELY WIN IN THE END! but because as he also intimated to her, the kind of good and idealistic people he admires just wouldn't care that she might hurt them; they would choose to do it anyway, because it would still seem worth the risk. He honestly believes that if he was a better person, or a braver person, he would choose to do the same. But he won't and can't, not without changing who he is pretty radically.
I . . . hope that makes sense . . . did I miss anything . . . also reverse (you don't have to use this many words, omg) . . . .
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Date: 2014-01-13 08:04 am (UTC)CUSTOMARY DOTS OPENER EXCEPT THIS RELATIONSHIP IS NOT REALLY CONDUCIVE TO DOTS uhh it's sort of simultaneously
Their thread in her Good End post was a huge perspective-shift for him--he denied it up and down, but he does empathize with her and he is afraid that he'll get attached to her and she'll hurt him. She seemed to be trying to draw them on opposite sides of a fundamental divide, and he knows that's not wrong, but he ultimately thinks of them as the same type of person--the question of how to trust, when to trust, when to accept faith and idealism and friendship despite your better judgment has been one of Swift's huge struggles, both in canon and (especially) in Aather. He is not a leap of faith kind of person! In his canon, he consistently plays the role of the cynical guy, the voice of reason, the devil's advocate; the one who says "maybe it isn't wrong to want revenge, maybe you shouldn't forgive this guy, maybe we're going to have to kill her." But he gets proven wrong, and he starts to cede to the forces of cheery idealism and unconditional acceptance, less because he doesn't think he has a point and more because that's what the people he loves believe in and he loves them for it.
And that is part because one of the people they've believed in and reached out to regardless of reason has been him. As he sort of intimated to her, he's been saved by that kind of faith and kindness multiple times--and more importantly, Jay in canon starts out as this desperately lonely kid who wants (almost!) more than anything to be loved. Of course he's going to believe in the people who love him. Even more so because he can actually see himself changing in response to that.
So when she hit a chord with him--that thread basically cemented her slow slide from "terrible person whom (more importantly) I can't trust" to "someone who is struggling with the same sorts of things I am"--his instinctive answer is, "well, just accept it." That is the right path and the path to happiness, for him. He does . . . think she should make friends! Or rather, that someone will eventually try to determinedly be friends with her, and that she shouldn't spurn them when that happens. He doesn't think that she needs to be a better or nicer person for that to happen, or for her to keep friends--I mean, he's not exactly a paragon of niceness himself. He thinks that friendship would make her a marginally better person by itself, o-or at least mellow her out??, and he definitely thinks she'd be happier.
He thinks she must be lonely, because he was lonely--and so the obvious answer, the "right" answer by Tales of Legendia laws of the universe, is that he should be her friend. Especially since she seems to . . . actually like him in a non-antagonistic way? And want to have a meaningful relationship with him?
That is, however, the one thing he absolutely can't do, largely for the same reasons that make him sympathize with her in the first place. Swift is someone who has been hurt in the past, and who is still leery of trust and friendship and vulnerability, and he needs any place he puts his heart to be, ultimately, a SAFE place. Not absolutely safe, because he knows that isn't possible! But "I have analyzed this person's character and determined that they are probably not going to fuck me over" safe.
Erika issss . . . not safe . . . (wow understatement of the century gosh). Erika is "logically speaking almost definitely going to fuck me over," actually! And he is not going to touch that! He almost can't touch that, really. He flat-out refuses to be her friend or even knowingly accept any kind of non-surface relationship with her, because, in an unacknowledged and kind of subconscious way, he knows that he is going to get invested and (eventually) attached and that is Not Okay. So he picks and picks and snarks at her and has arguments about the value of friendship, because he can't quite let it go, but he's not willing to go further than that.
He sort of thinks he is a coward (she was right!)--not only because his canon tells him that NO FRIENDSHIP WILL DEFINITELY WIN IN THE END! but because as he also intimated to her, the kind of good and idealistic people he admires just wouldn't care that she might hurt them; they would choose to do it anyway, because it would still seem worth the risk. He honestly believes that if he was a better person, or a braver person, he would choose to do the same. But he won't and can't, not without changing who he is pretty radically.
I . . . hope that makes sense . . . did I miss anything . . . also reverse (you don't have to use this many words, omg) . . . .